I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize