if you like me you must not know who I am
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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