I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
