There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
