Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
