I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
