That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
