I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
