The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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