You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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