yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
