Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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