Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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