so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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