I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
