Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think people are normalizing furries
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
