Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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