I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I smell stomach acid.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
