Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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