He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
