Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
