Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
