dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
