the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
