her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
