Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
