Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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