i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
