The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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