I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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