it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
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