i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
