drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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