i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
