I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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