woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
