Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
