I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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