i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize