I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize