after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
