hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I understand Curling. That high.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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