i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
