I looked at my own cervix.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
