The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
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