Dude my mom stole all your condoms
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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