Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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