Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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