so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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