it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
