alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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