I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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