I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
