I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
