oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
