Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize