I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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