i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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