so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize