I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
