No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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