My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize