A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
