look no pants
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
